Pinning tonight's board…

STAFF CORKBOARD · DO NOT REMOVE PINS

THE CORKBOARD

Everything pinned to this board is original house material. The satire is ridiculous; the facts under it are checked against primary sources before anything is printed. When a real block is found, the MEME OF THE BLOCK rotates. It is the only schedule this board respects.

Family100 PINNED

Chain-hung supper-club sign: THE FILTER FAILED. DINNER IS SERVED. A cat sits below, unbothered. — filter-failed

engraved plaque: SOMEONE LEFT THE BASEMENT DOOR OPEN. A cat walks out of the bottom edge. — filter-failed

Chain-hung sign reading THE SCREEN DOOR HAD ONE JOB, next to a screen door with a cat-shaped hole. — filter-failed

Letterpress coaster with the crest cat mark and the words YOUR FILTER IS A SUGGESTION. — filter-failed

Engraved plaque in giant type: THE CAT DOES NOT RECOGNIZE YOUR POLICY SETTINGS. — filter-failed

Hand-drawn chart comparing an 83-byte limit bar to a very large cat bar. — 83-byte-cat

83-byte-cat

83-byte-cat

Hand-drawn timeline chart of OP_RETURN relay defaults: 40, 80, 83, then market price. — 83-byte-cat

Engraved plaque: THE CAT DOES NOT FIT IN AN OP_RETURN, with a cat overflowing a small box. — 83-byte-cat

Carved specials board pricing patience in sat/vB tiers. — mempool-menu

Hostess-stand sign: THE MEMPOOL CALLED. YOUR TABLE IS READY. — mempool-menu

Engraved plaque of a cat at a table demanding more vbytes from a waiter. — mempool-menu

mempool-menu

fork-of-the-day

House-policy sign: WE ONLY SERVE SOFT FORKS. — fork-of-the-day

Commemorative plaque about 2017, when the customers ran the kitchen. — fork-of-the-day

Engraved plaque of an empty plate above the words FULL NODE. EMPTY PLATE. NO REGRETS. — full-node-empty-plate

full-node-empty-plate

Official notice: mandatory signaling begins today. The cat has been briefed and has left. — mandatory-signaling

Two panels: a signaling tally at 2.6 percent, then a cat signaling nothing. — mandatory-signaling

Inspection form declaring a plate failed validation, with a big rejection stamp. — invalid-plate

Kitchen ticket returned with reason code: bad magic bytes. — invalid-plate

Two panels: a NO JPEGS sign, then a wall completely covered in framed pictures. — no-jpegs

Two panels: the ban sign, then a dining room of 2,100 cats. — no-jpegs

Sign refusing jpegs; a vector cat is seated on a technicality. — no-jpegs

Sign on the wall: HOUSE RULES ARE NOT LAWS OF PHYSICS. — cat-vs-policy

Two panels: the written policy, then the cat on the table as settled consensus. — cat-vs-policy

Two panels: a node refusing an order, then a miner serving it out the side door. — cat-vs-policy

Engraved plaque of a velvet rope with a cat stepping over it. — cat-vs-policy

Engraved plaque: TWO BLOCKS. THEN THE KITCHEN CAUGHT FIRE. — two-blocks

Storefront sign with grand opening and closing on the same day, August 8. — two-blocks

Two panels: a pop-up restaurant opening, then a counter showing exactly two plates served. — two-blocks

Receipt for eighteen hours of mining on the wrong burner, refunds pledged. — two-blocks

Two panels: block one looking promising, block two being the end. — two-blocks

Engraved plaque: MAINNET DID NOT NOTICE. Two blocks fell in a forest; the cat heard them. — two-blocks

Citation form charging the cat with exploiting a vulnerability, the 2023 framing of inscriptions. — lukes-filter

A CLOSED sign rendered as datacarriersize=0; the cat reads it and proceeds. — lukes-filter

Engraved plaque of a bouncer checking transaction patterns at a supper club door. — lukes-filter

lukes-filter

Engraved plaque: SPAM IS A STRONG WORD FOR A CAT WITH A RESERVATION. — lukes-filter

Blame sign: A KNOT HEAD LEFT THE DOOR OPEN. — knot-head-did-it

Engraved plaque: THE BASEMENT DENIES EVERYTHING. — knot-head-did-it

Receipt totaling nine lives on a single running tab. — nine-lives

nine-lives

Engraved plaque: A CAT WITH NINE LIVES FEARS NO REORG. — nine-lives

Official assignment receipt: the mempool has assigned you a cat. — cat-distribution-system

Engraved plaque: YOU DON'T CHOOSE THE CAT. THE QUEUE CHOOSES. — cat-distribution-system

Plain counter sign: ONE PAYMENT. ONE CAT. — cat-distribution-system

Delivery notice form: a cat has been provisioned to this address. — cat-distribution-system

Seating policy sign: everyone is reseated when a longer table arrives. — reorg-the-table

Official notice: your dinner was orphaned and never happened. — reorg-the-table

Fridge sign: LEFTOVERS ARE JUST UNSPENT OUTPUTS. — utxo-leftovers

Fridge inventory receipt full of dust-sized casserole portions. — utxo-leftovers

utxo-leftovers

one-confirmation-coffee

Counter sign: zero-conf coffee is a promise in a cup. — one-confirmation-coffee

Engraved plaque: THERE'S A NODE UNDER THE FLOOR. IT HUMS AT NIGHT. — node-under-the-floor

Table tent sign explaining table three is warm because of the node below. — node-under-the-floor

Engraved plaque: BLOCK FOUND AT 3 A.M. THE FLOOR PURRED. — node-under-the-floor

Engraved-plaque big type, two words of house wisdom: FORK RESPONSIBLY. — forked

Wax-seal coaster with the crest cat: ONE PAYMENT. ONE FELINE. TOO MANY FORKS. — forked

Ornate wine label for CHATEAU FORK, vintage given as a block height. — forked

Engraved-plaque flagship line in huge serif: THE FORK WAS INEVITABLE. — the-fork-was-inevitable

Engraved plaque: THE CATS FOUND THE STAIRS. A cat sits beside a candle. — the-fork-was-inevitable

Supper-club matchbook, two deadpan words: THINGS ESCALATED. — the-fork-was-inevitable

Chain-hung tavern sign, canon line: DINNER IS PERMISSIONLESS. — the-fork-was-inevitable

Engraved plaque, canon line: THE FILTER FAILED. THEY BOOKED A TABLE. — the-fork-was-inevitable

Wax-seal mark, canon line: INSCRIBED WHOLE. SERVED COLD. — the-fork-was-inevitable

Engraved plaque with an industrial unbent fork: SOME FORKS BEND. THIS ONE DOESN'T. — hard-fork

Chain-hung sign with a gently bent fork: THE SOFT FORK: SAME FORK, FEWER PRIVILEGES. — soft-fork

Engraved plaque commemorating the 2017 user-activated summer: THE GUESTS RAN THE KITCHEN ONCE. IT WORKED. — user-activated-fork

Chain-hung sign delivering the bad news: YOUR ORDER WAS REPLACED BY A BETTER-PAYING ORDER. — rbf-replace-by-fork

Chain-hung sign: THE KITTEN PAID FOR THE WHOLE TABLE'S PASTA. Child pays for parent. — cpfp-child-pays-for-pasta

Chain-hung sign over a cat eyeing two plates at once: ONE CAT. TWO PLATES. PICK A TIMELINE. — double-spend

consensus-menu

Ornate wine label for an unfiltered odd lot; the sediment is the provenance. — non-standard-order

Chain-hung sign: THE WAITER ATE THE GARNISH BETWEEN KITCHEN AND TABLE. Miner-extractable dinner. — miner-extractable-dinner

Wax-seal coaster: NOT YOUR CELLAR, NOT YOUR CHEESE. — cold-storage-hot-wallet

Aged inspection certificate citing an attempted proof of vibes; the wax seal disapproves. — proof-of-work

Chain-hung supper-club sign: YOUR ORDER HAS BEEN IN THE MEMPOOL SINCE TUESDAY. The Waiter, a bow-tied cat with a towel over one arm, looks on in deadpan despair. — the-waiter

Engraved plaque poster: YOUR TABLE IS READY. YOU ARE NOT. The Waiter, a bow-tied cat with a towel over one arm, looks on in deadpan despair. — the-waiter

Chain-hung supper-club sign: EXCELLENT CHOICE. THE WAITER SAYS THAT TO EVERYONE. The Waiter, a bow-tied cat with a towel over one arm, looks on in deadpan despair. — the-waiter

Chain-hung supper-club sign: THE NODE CAT LIVES UNDER TABLE NINE. SO DOES THE NODE. The Node Cat loafs on a humming vented server box under table nine. — the-node-cat

Engraved plaque poster: TEMPORARY SINCE 2023 The Node Cat loafs on a humming vented server box under table nine. — the-node-cat

Chain-hung supper-club sign: NEW HOUSE RULE Nº 47. IGNORED Nº 47. The Policy Cat raises a paw beside a clipboard of ignored rules. — the-policy-cat

Engraved plaque poster: POLICY IS NOT CONSENSUS. THE CAT KNOWS. THE CAT POSTS. The Policy Cat raises a paw beside a clipboard of ignored rules. — the-policy-cat

the-policy-cat

Chain-hung supper-club sign: FORK COUNT: 4,281. DISPUTED. The Fork Cat clutches a fanned hand of far too many forks. — the-fork-cat

Engraved plaque poster: THE FORK WAS INEVITABLE. SO WERE THE OTHER 4,280. The Fork Cat clutches a fanned hand of far too many forks. — the-fork-cat

Chain-hung supper-club sign: NOW SERVING Nº 12. THE CAT HOLDS Nº 9,441. The Mempool Cat sits patiently holding a numbered queue ticket. — the-mempool-cat

Engraved plaque poster: WAITING IS NOT A PHASE. IT IS A PRACTICE. The Mempool Cat sits patiently holding a numbered queue ticket. — the-mempool-cat

Chain-hung supper-club sign: Nº 9,441 IS A LIFESTYLE The Mempool Cat sits patiently holding a numbered queue ticket. — the-mempool-cat

Chain-hung supper-club sign: THE KITCHEN COOKS THE BEST TIP FIRST The Kitchen Miner, in a chef hat, shoulders a pickaxe-shaped spatula. — the-kitchen-miner

Engraved plaque poster: YOUR ORDER IS IMPORTANT. OTHERS TIPPED MORE. The Kitchen Miner, in a chef hat, shoulders a pickaxe-shaped spatula. — the-kitchen-miner

Chain-hung supper-club sign: THE BASEMENT SENT AN AMBASSADOR. IT IS COMPLAINING. The Knot Head Regular, a knotted-rope-head blob, stands at the bottom of the stairs. — the-knot-head-regular

Two-panel house-rule card: WHY DO YOU EVEN COME UP HERE? The Knot Head Regular, a knotted-rope-head blob, stands at the bottom of the stairs. — the-knot-head-regular

Engraved plaque poster: NOTES OF CONGESTION, LONG FINISH The Sommelier, a cat with a tasting cup on a chain, judges the fee environment. — the-sommelier

Two-panel house-rule card: WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND? The Sommelier, a cat with a tasting cup on a chain, judges the fee environment. — the-sommelier

Engraved plaque poster: IT POURED TWO GLASSES AND STOPPED. A BOLD VINTAGE. The Sommelier, a cat with a tasting cup on a chain, judges the fee environment. — the-sommelier